Piccolo Jokes

Q. How do you get 2 piccolos to play in tune? A. Shoot one. Q: Why were piccolos invented? A: To give the whole orchestra a headache. There is a group of 6th grade flute players, and they are in a competition to who can get the highest note.  "Look guys, I can play a high A!" (Screeeeeeech!)  "Well, I can get to high B" (Screeeech!, Any glass nearby busts)  "I can play piccolo!" (Panic ensues)  "Nooooo! DON'T DO IT!"  "PUT IT AWAY!"  "AAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!"

Flute Jokes

Q. How do you know there's a flute player at your door?
A. You don't. They can't find the right key and don't know when to make the entrance.

Q: What's the difference between a flutist and a piranha?
A: The lipstick.

Q: How many flutists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Six -- One to get the chair to stand on, one to stand on the chair and actually screw it in, one to pull the chair out from under her, and three more to complain about how much better they could have done it.

Q: How do concert band flute players does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None; they ask their boyfriend to do it for them.

Q: How can you tell if a plane is full of flute players?
A: When the engines stop, the whining continues

Q: Why do loud, obnoxious whistles exist at some factories?
A: To give us some sort of appreciation for flutes.

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To get away from the flute recital.

Q: What do you call a good flute section?
A: Impossible.

Q: Four flutists drive a mini-van off of a cliff.  What is the
tragedy?
A: You can easily fit eight flutists in a mini-van.

Q: Why were flutes invented?
A: To hit the person on the right.

Q: What do you have when a group of flutists are up to their necks in wet
concrete?
A: Not enough concrete.

Q: Why do flutists leave their instruments on the dashboards of their
cars?
A: So they can park in "handicapped" parking places.

Q: What do you call someone who hangs around a bunch of musicians?
A: A flutist.

Q: What's the difference between an onion and a flute?
A: Nobody cries when you chop up a flute

Flute players spend half their time tuning their instrument and the other half playing out of tune. 

Trumpet Jokes

Q: What's the difference between a trumpet player and the rear end of a horse?
A: I don't know either.

Q: What do you do if you see a bleeding trumpet player running around in your backyard?
A: Stop laughing, and shoot again!

Q: What did little Johnny's mother tell him when he said "I want to be a trumpet player when I grow up"?
A: "But Johnny, you can't do both."

Q: How do you get a trumpet player out of a tree?
A: Cut the noose.

Q: What's the difference between a dog and a trumpet player?
A: The dog knows when to stop scratching!

Q: How do you improve the aerodynamics of a trumpet player's car?
A: Take the Domino's Pizza sign off the roof.

Q: What do trumpet players use for birth control?
A: Their personalities.

Q: What's the first thing a trumpet player says at work?
A: "Would you like fries with that?"

Q: Why can't gorillas play trumpet?
A: Gorillas are too sensitive.

Q: How many trumpet players does it take to pave a driveway?
A: Seven, if you lay them out correctly.

Q: What is the range of a trumpet player?
A: It depends: how strong are you, and how much do you want to hurt him?

Q: How do trumpet players traditionally greet each other?
A: "Hi. Nice to meet you. I'm better than you."

Q: What's the difference between a jet airplane and a trumpet?
A: About three decibels.

Q: What is a gentleman?
A: Somebody who knows how to play the trumpet, but doesn't.

Q: What's the difference between a free jazz trumpeter and a terrorist?
A: The terrorist has sympathizers.

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To get away from the trumpet players.

Q: How do you get a trumpet to play triple forte?
A: Mark mezzo piano on the part.

Q: How do you get a trumpet player to play softly?
A: Take away his instrument.

Q: What's the differance between a trumpet player and God?
A: God knows he's not a trumpet player.

Q: How are trumpets like pirates?
A: They both murder on the high C's

Q: Why does a trumpet have three valves?
A: Because trumpet players can't count to four.

Tiny Tim says to his mother, "Mother, I'd like to be a trumpet player when I grow up." His mother replies "Nonsense! You're already lame!"